Sleep in Teenagers: How Phones Are Killing Our Kids

Speaker 1: 0:00 This is a problem, and if we’re not crying about it, then it has not hit us hard enough. Speaker 2: 0:11 Hi Rising Stars. Welcome to today’s live training and member-only Q&A. If you are tuning in later on the Rise Renewed podcast, welcome, we are so glad that you are here. Welcome, we are so glad that you are here. Phones are wrecking sleep in teenagers and moms. Today we’re going to talk about the impact and also strategies to reclaim rest, set boundaries and restore peace. Speaker 2: 0:48 Did you know? I did not know this. Did you know that teen anxiety and depression the rates for teen anxiety and depression have nearly doubled since the rise of smartphones and social media doubled? It’s an alarming trend with a root cause that we often overlook sleep, poor sleep. Studies have shown that late night scrolling, the direct causation of social media to anxiety and depression and lack of connectedness in real life during the day, is stealing hours of rest at night, especially from teens, impacting their mental health in ways that cannot be ignored. But here is the kicker Ladies, it’s not just affecting them we as moms. Per the data, women are caught in the same trap and what’s really really scary and disheartening is that, per the data, even among teens, do you know who is being more negatively impacted? Girls, the future generation, our girls are already now being significantly more negatively impacted. Anxiety and depression is skyrocketing, and they’re the future moms. And we get this. I mean, we tell our kids, we tell our teens to put away their phones, put away their devices, get some sleep. Maybe we even tell ourselves this, but how often do we still find ourselves lying in bed, phone in hand scrolling? Or maybe you’re just lying on the sofa scrolling when you should be in bed? It is time to hit pause and we’re going to take an honest look at how our tech habits as moms an honest look at how our tech habits as moms are impacting our kids. Even if we don’t have teens yet, they will be one day we’re going to look at how our habits, per the data, are affecting our kids, especially sleeping teenagers, mental health and, ultimately, connection in our homes and outside of them. As a health coach and mom of school-age kids, I mean I have seen firsthand how phone habits can disrupt sleep, skyrocket anxiety and steal our peace, both for our kids, for us and for peers, kids for us and for peers. Speaker 2: 3:50 Today I am drawing from this book that I mentioned. I took the cover off. Covers annoy me. I don’t know why I always take all the covers off. My hardcover books drives my husband crazy. They also look so much nicer. Speaker 2: 3:58 We’re drawing from Jonathan Haidt’s book, the Anxious Generation. It is powerful, it’s disturbing, it’s startling and it is possibly the most important read for parents today when it comes to the future health of our children. But we’re going to uncover a little bit of the science behind these trends the data on sleep, in teenagers especially, and how we can protect our families and ourselves from these effects Really quickly. We’re going to cover the shocking connection between social media, poor sleep and rising anxiety. Two practical strategies from Heights Research to help your kids avoid these traps. And then three how we as moms can set the example, learning to ditch poor phone habits that are hurting our own well-being as well. We’re going to create a healthier digital boundary framework, reclaim sleep, peace and connection. But first let’s talk about what the poor connections currently are. Speaker 2: 5:04 Jonathan Haidt, the whole premise of his book. For those of you that have not read the Anxious Generation. To put it really simply, you want the bottom line version of this book, the Cliff Notes version. In one sentence, it is that we as parents are overprotecting our kids in the real world and underprotecting them on the virtual one. Ouch, but the data is proving it to be true. What he correlates here is how screen time, phone-based childhood, is resulting in a lot of negative impact, but one that I’m especially going to hone in on here is sleep. For those of you that have done the early morning habit program, which is everyone here live, but those of you listening later on the podcast, for those of the ladies who have done the program, you have heard me talk about sleep ad nauseum. It is week two of the program, because before we talk morning, we have to talk night. Before I talk about how sleep is the foundation of all health. Everything flows out of it. If there is one thing to take away from this book, I would actually suggest it is the negative impact it’s having on sleep, because it will detrimentally that correlation alone is going to negatively impact every other area of our health. If there is one reason to be really, really vigilant about phone activity for us and our kids, it is the negative impact on sleep above all else, on sleep above all else. So here’s the toxic combination. Speaker 2: 6:52 According to data, teens need ideally nine hours of sleep a night. For adults 21 and older it’s eight. Ideally, teens need no less than nine a night to function optimally here’s the reality to function optimally. Here’s the reality 73% of teens, that is, seven out of 10 teenagers, the future generation, the workforce that is coming up through college, future college students, future moms, future dads seven out of 10 are under sleeping, not just a little bit. The average teen gets just over six hours of sleep a night. Guys, that’s a problem, and you’re going to hear me say many times we’re the moms. We have, very arguably, the most influence over these types of outcomes and we, not we, have to take ownership of it. This is far below the recommended amount. Speaker 2: 7:55 This chronic sleep deprivation is directly linked to rising rates of anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation. For those of you that have your book, if you have read it, on page 125, haidt talks about this. There was a study done by the Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development. It’s called the Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development Study and it scanned the brains of more than 11,000 nine to 10 year olds back in 2016, and then followed them as they went through puberty and adolescence. Hundreds of academic papers per height have emerged from this large collaboration, and several specifically examine the effects of sleep deprivation. In review of this collaboration, a 2020 study found that greater sleep disturbance and shorter sleep time were directly associated with depression, increased aggression, increased lack of impulse control. Increased lack of impulse control. In other words, when these kids sleep were shortened, you were more likely to become depressed, develop behavioral problems. And guess what? The effects were larger for girls. Speaker 2: 9:27 One experiment found that adolescents who restricted on the other side of it, that restricted their use of screen devices after 9 pm on school nights for two weeks showed an increase of total sleep time, earlier sleep onset times and improved performance on a task that required focus and attention. And this makes sense, right? This makes sense. A heavy use of screen media was associated, according to a study in the UK, with shorter sleep duration, longer sleep latency and more mid-sleep awakenings. Those sleep disturbances were greatest for those who were on social media or who were surfing the internet in bed. So we’re seeing direct cause and correlation here. Right Like, this is not wish-washy numbers. If you were on social media and ladies, this goes for us as well social media before bed, within an hour of bed, you are more likely to have sleep disturbances, longer sleep latency, that’s, taking longer to fall asleep and more mid-sleep awakening, literally disturbing all the pillars of sleep. So not shocking, then, that that study shows that adolescents who put a cap on their screen time after 9 pm and the average American bedtime is 11. That’s also a problem, as we all know, but they did sleep better. So late night screen time problem. Speaker 2: 11:05 But here’s the other issue is that there is also a mental health component to social media in and of itself. I’m going to actually talk about that in a different one because there were so many points to also pull out of that alone the negative impact that social media is having independently of sleep and in the other areas of life, specifically in emotional and mental health. And again, the impact is greater for girls. So we’re going to talk about that on a different day. But just understand it’s multifactorial. I’m not suggesting the only reason that teens are not sleeping well at night is simply because they’re on their phones in bed. That is not the only reason, but we are specifically talking about sleep. So the blue light from the screen is disrupting melatonin production, delaying sleep, reducing its quality. Speaker 2: 12:03 Understanding the mental addiction that social media platforms create and even a lot of internet based apps create. He talks about this in here. He goes into that. I won’t dive into all of them, but they are addicting, not just during the day, but also at night. They are designed to keep you scrolling and I will even suggest some of it is not your fault. The way the brain becomes wired, you literally become addicted to the scroll. But as everything, we have a choice. We have a choice to interrupt that and change the narrative. But understand that some of it will start to almost become an addiction that is almost beyond your capability of talking yourself out of. You’ve got to get really, really vigilant and disciplined to be able to change it Really quick. Speaker 2: 12:58 Let’s talk about how phone habits are affecting us too as moms. It’s easy to think of it For those that have teens. I have an almost teen my oldest is 12, but plenty of kids that I know who are teens. My husband’s a high school teacher. We’re certainly not outside of the teen world, so it’s really easy to look at it as like a teen problem, especially if you don’t have kids in the phone age yet. But also be aware of devices. By the way, don’t forget the devices. It is not unusual anymore for three-year-olds, four-year-olds, five, six, seven-year-olds to have tablets about. In general, when it comes to screen use and the platforms that are being used, they’re not social media. But his whole point in here is not just the phones, but it’s devices with unfettered access to the internet and play For moms. Speaker 2: 14:05 60% of adults sleep with their phone next to their bed. Adults average y’all have heard me say this before If you’ve been through the early morning habit program, this one this one actually blows my mind we average over three hours of screen time a day, the majority of it happening at night. Now that does include YouTube. Studies show that phone use before bed directly reduces sleep quality among adults and increases stress and anxiety levels. And, as many of you know who have already done the early morning habit program, the majority of adults are also getting significantly less than eight hours of sleep. In fact, I actually think the average is about six hours for adults as well. So it is easy to fall into the scrolling habit, especially when, for a lot of women women especially social media tends to become our go-to when we’re tired and looking for a mental escape. But, as many of us have experienced, ironically that mental escape is leaving us even more mentally drained. If we want our kids to create healthier digital habits, then we have got to model them first. We’ve got to learn how to set limits to our screen use, and especially our phone. Speaker 2: 15:45 Some practical strategies for reclaiming sleep and prioritizing rest in your homes. Number one create a phone-free bedtime routine. Moms and kids and dads alike phone-free bedtime routine. I cannot say this or stress this enough. Not only just phone-free bedrooms. Y’all know how I feel about screens of any sort in the bedroom. Get it out of the bedroom. The bedroom should be a place of rest. Screens stimulate your brain, don’t slow them down, unlike what you actually think. Speaker 2: 16:31 But Jonathan Haidt specifically talks about a practical application of setting a phone curfew a minimum of 30 minutes before bedtime for you and your children. 30 minutes before bedtime. I would personally say just make this an hour like. Just go to an hour. Set a time where everyone goes phone free in the house. Maybe an alarm goes off on everyone’s phone at the same time. That is indicating it’s phone free time. We’re done. And then all of the phones, if they’re not already, go to their charging stations, their home base, which is not in bedrooms. Speaker 2: 17:15 There are two apps that I found that can help monitor your family’s screen time and help you enforce boundaries. These two were highly recommended. I have not personally used either of these, but one is called Screen Time, the other one is called Family Link Screen Time, family Link. These help set limits for your screen time, as well as actual time frames for your screen time as well as actual time frames. Number two establish phone-free zones. Speaker 2: 18:05 There need to be places that are protected from the distraction that is our phones. Areas that come to mind would be at the dinner table, as a family no phones. Bedtime, the bedtime routine no phones. Here’s a practical application that is sneaky. But just think over the last couple weeks if this has happened to you. You keep your phone in your pocket, you get a notification, maybe someone calls, you’re in your kid’s bedroom, you’re trying to get them wound down, maybe the lights are even off. And what do we do? We pull out our phone. We’ve just lit up the bedroom with a very bright blue screen and then we respond. If you’re like type A hyperproductive like me, I’m like I’m just going to respond to this right away. And now I’ve just lost a minute not only of connection with my kids, but also I’ve just flooded their room with blue light. I’m now distracted from what I was trying to do and maintaining my kids routine, and I’m also now breaking the boundaries of what I’m hopefully establishing in my home as phone-free zones. Speaker 2: 19:23 Another consideration here is that phone-free zones might include when you are out at other people’s homes, practically speaking, when you keep a phone on your person. There is significant data to suggest how much more difficult it is for you to be present or connect. And let me just read this quick here from the anxious generation and see if this resonates with you. When teens are within a few feet of their friends, their phone-based childhoods damage the quality of their time together. Ladies, this is not just teens. Again, think about you and your girlfriends, the mom standing at the school pickup line. Speaker 2: 20:14 Smartphones grab our attention so powerfully that if they merely vibrate in our pockets for a tenth of a second, many of us will interrupt a face-to-face conversation just in case the phone is bringing us an important update. We do not usually tell the other person to stop talking. We just pull out our phone and spend some time pecking at it, leaving the other person to conclude reasonably, that she is less important than the latest. Leaving the other person to conclude reasonably that she is less important than the latest notification. Statistically speaking, people report that when someone else pulls out a phone or when a phone is merely visible not even your own phone the quality and intimacy of a social interaction is reduced. I think many of us can give an amen to that If we’re really emotionally intelligent and do the work and feel the self-awareness in these conversations and in these moments. Speaker 2: 21:15 It is true that when I am talking to someone and I am looking in their eye and something happens on their phone and they pull it up to look at it, even if I understand it, there is an internal sense of feeling that that intimacy has been reduced, that the connection has been severed slightly. But here’s where it really gets personal. As moms, a 2014 survey of children ages six to 12 conducted by highlights magazine found that 62% of children reported that their parents were often distracted when the child tried to talk with them. The numbers were even higher for parents who were younger and were college educated. It literally hurts my heart to think and it like makes me cry to think about my kids having that picture of me that I’m too distracted for them and I’m guilty of it, which is why I’m crying, because I know it’s true. Speaker 1: 23:42 This is a problem, and if we’re not crying about it, then it has not hit us hard enough. Speaker 2: 23:55 Practical applications for this Keep it off of your person. We have to fight because, again, human psychology there is a part of this that is not your fault. It is the way the brain is wired and these platforms are wired to addict us to them. But you have to decide if you will fight it, acknowledge it, let yourself feel convicted of it and then do what you need to do to change. There’s one last study that I want to read to help drive what I’m about to say home. There was a study done where researchers brought college students into a lab and randomly assigned them to either one, leave their bag and phone out in the entry room of the lab. Two, keep their phone with them in their pocket or bag, or three, put their phone on their desk next to them. They then had students complete tasks that tested their intelligence and working memory capacity. They found that performance was best when phones were left in the other room and it was at its worst when phones were visible with pocketed phones in between were visible. With pocketed phones in between. The effect was significantly worse for heavier phone users. Speaker 2: 25:35 Practical applications here One, stop wearing them on your person. Moms, dads, just in general, we need to stop keeping them in our pocket. I know that the purse has kind of died right. It’s like they’ve gotten smaller and smaller and smaller. Once upon a time it was like the big, massive bag which I still have, but now it’s like we’ve really minimized. Now it’s like the slings that are over the shoulder and it’s like a fanny pack for your shoulder. Whoever thought that would be cool? You know what I’m saying? Like whoever thought wearing a fanny pack on your chest would be cool. But it is harder in some ways to actually carry purses for various reasons. We don’t tend to anymore. Speaker 2: 26:18 But keeping a phone in a bag or a purse when you go to other people’s homes For example, when you go out to a restaurant, keeping it off of your person so that even if it vibrates, you are not feeling it. If you are going to other people’s homes or you’re within your home, keep it out of sight. This seems extraordinary and unnecessary, except for when you hear the data. Data doesn’t lie. So even if you feel like you’re fine, don’t be misled, because the data is suggesting even seeing our phones is more distracting. So even at home, can you create a phone, a phone home base that is less visible, especially as you get into the evening hours where you really want to prioritize connection. Don’t set the phone on the table. Keep it off of the table again, out of sight off of the table. Out of sight off of the table. And again, where I’m really trying to hone in is any time that you can keep it off of your person and out of sight. That’s the idea. Speaker 2: 27:33 Other people’s homes, your friends, kids, friends that come over that’s something we’re not there yet, but we’re talking about. How do we help even our children be more present with their friends and learn these skills young to actually have a home base for their phones? They can’t I’m not necessarily going to control their friends’ phones when they come over, but my kids can lead by example. And then when my kids go to their friends’ houses, hopefully they are learning these principles and keeping their phones tucked away, creating digital boundaries, setting the example, what we want to see in our children. We have got to model. It stinks, but that’s the reality. So if we are not willing to do the work, then we cannot be complaining when our phones are distracting our kids, when they’re addicted, when they’re not sleeping at night and when that’s impacting every other experience in our kids’ lives, their schoolwork, their athletics, their mental, emotional health. Hey, we’ve got to take full ownership. We are the moms. Their brains are still rapidly developing and neuronal pathways are still being fired. We have no excuse. We’ve got to take ownership of it, starting with our own bedrooms. No phones in the bedroom. No phones in the bedroom. No screens in the bedroom. Be hyper protective of your sleep. Get an old school alarm clock. Stop relying on your phone to wake you up. Ladies, if you were in the early morning habit program and you have not invested in a sunrise alarm yet, I love you and I’m so glad that you’re here, but you need to go do that. Like yesterday. No phones in the bedroom. Lastly, encourage honest conversations about this in your home. Great, there’s so many things that we’ve talked about, like honest conversations with kids. There’s a lot of information that we have now that our parents didn’t. Speaker 2: 29:47 I think in general, our generation is more proactive about trying to see how our kids are doing. Maybe to a fault, jonathan would probably suggest there’s too much helicopter parenting happening, but there is something really powerful about having open, honest conversations in age-appropriate ways with your kids that share this idea that you’re also human and you want to be a model, but sometimes you will fail the whole because I told you to and then you’re not backing it up is a surefire way of breaking trust with your kids. So you need to be honest with them that you are also trying to establish these habits as well, and that does not matter what age your kids are there At any age. Try to be implementing what you want to see for them one day, because if you don’t, what you teach them is not going to be incorrect, but it’s going to be very incomplete and you’re going to lessen your impact if you are not modeling what you teach them is not going to be incorrect, but it’s going to be very incomplete and you’re going to lessen your impact if you are not modeling what you are asking them to do. Reclaiming sleep, the foundation of all health it is way more than just feeling rested. It will improve mental health, emotional health, physical, spiritual, social. When we prioritize healthy, digital habits, we will rapidly improve the space that we need for true rest and renewal. Speaker 2: 31:20 This book, jonathan Heights, the Anxious Generation, is a powerful and, frankly, startling reminder of the important need for us, as parents, to take control of this narrative. We do not have to be slaves to our screens, and neither do our kids, starts with small, intentional steps, steps that begin with us. All right, on that note, let me pray. Lord, this man, this is hard. Phones, technology, the internet. There are so many beautiful stories that have been written because of this advancement in technology. There are lives that have been dramatically changed for higher quality of life because of the advancement in technology that we have, and I acknowledge that. But, lord, there is also clearly a drastic negative impact on the quality of our lives as well, especially when it comes to our children and social media and the fact that phones are a conduit for those interactions. Speaker 2: 32:42 Lord, I pray for those of us that are listening, those of us that have read this book. I do pray that we would feel convicted, that we would feel convicted to the point where we do feel like crying, because at some point, we have to acknowledge that we feel helpless to be changing it, because, it’s true, it feels overwhelming, it’s become a societal norm and it feels like what difference can I actually make? And so, lord, I ask that you would protect us, help us to feel convicted without feeling hopeless, and help us to fuel the discipline to be the change in our own hearts and in our own homes, because there is very possibly no more influential person than mom when it comes to changing the home. Would you help us to be the change? Help us not to point fingers. Help us to just look at our own lives and to be the change. Help us not to point fingers. Help us to just look at our own lives and to be the change for ourselves first, and give us wisdom for our children. I also pray that you would also work in our spouses as well, that it would be a team effort. There’d be unity within the home. Speaker 2: 33:59 And, lord, just help us to limit our distractions. As my friend Rory said, satan does not need to defeat you, he only needs to distract you, and phones are a distraction. Lord, protect us, give us wisdom. Thank you that you hold everything in your hands, including the phones, technology and everything in between. Lord, we love you. Go forth with us this week. Lead us, amen.